One Middle Earth loving man’s review of “An Unexpected Journey”, or why aren’t movie Hobbits fat?

When I was fifteen I read a book that changed my literary life and perspective. It was “The Hobbit” by J.R.R. Tolkien. The Hobbit was a funny little book, roughly 300 pages of adventure, wry humor and unforgettable characters. There were characters such as fat hobbits, clumsy dwarfish folk, a barely competent wizard, assorted elves, changelings, rustic folk and stock villain types. When I finished the book I was totally taken in by Tolkien’s world.

I read every book every printed about Middle Earth. I played Dungeons and Dragons (as a Dungeon Master no less) well into my 20’s. I watched every bad production of animated interpretations of both The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I re-read all four books nearly every year since age 15. Tolkien created such a rich full world in Middle Earth with a complex history and sweeping scope that only a very special person with that same vision would be able to do this literary masterpiece justice on the big screen.

Enter Peter Jackson and his crew of movie wizards. Jackson’s treatment of the Lord of the Rings books was masterful. All three movies delivered everything I could possibly want to experience from those books. Jackson’s interpretation even improved upon the story telling in ways I never thought about. The only thing I wanted after seeing those three movies was more. Yes more Gandalf, Aragorn, elves, men and more Middle Earth. Sadly there was no more. The story was over, the enemy defeated and elves faded from Middle Earth.

Except that there was one more book. One more book and dozens of stories that is. A rumor began to spread in Movie land. A rumor about a man with unfinished business and the rights to one more book. Over time details came out, a script was written and a new movie began to take shape. The movie was to be based on Tolkien’s pioneer work “The Hobbit”. As time went by and rumor became reality I got excited. Yes, one more trip to Hobbiton, one more visit to Middle Earth, one more visit with characters I thought of as friends. When would the movie come out, when, when, when?

That day came for me on December 16, 2012. I was ready to see The Hobbit movie, I was itching, I was eager, I was overjoyed! I went the movie theater with great expectations and joy. Alas, the movie I watched was not “The Hobbit”. I sat in the theater eyes fixed to the screen, sitting on the edge of my seat for nearly three hours. When I exited the cinema into the bright afternoon light I could only think of one thing, meh.

After watching “The Unexpected Journey”, I felt that I’d seen it all before. . This current work was very similar to LOTR, sweeping aerial shots, wide angle shots of ponies galloping, and the contrived conflict between an antagonist (Azog) and protagonist (Thorin Oakenshield) that didn’t exist in the novel.

Also, I cannot refer to this movie as “The Hobbit”. This piece really bears too little resemblance to the book that I had grown to love. The Hobbit was so different in tone and character and story line from the later epic work The LOTR trilogy that Tolkien went back and updated some parts of the Hobbit in order to maintain some continuity. Jackson on the other used The Hobbit as a jumping off point to continue telling tales of Middle Earth. I totally get it. I too loved being immersed in Middle Earth lore. So for Jackson. he gets to revisit the site of his greatest triumph, have fun doing it and make another billion or so dollars.

As a movie based on Tolkien’s book “The Hobbit”, it barely passes. I give it a “C” minus at best. As a movie about middle earth lore I give it a “B”. Jackson does a passable job intertwining characters from different Tolkien writing into the Hobbit story. Some characterizations are rather forced and out of place such as Radagast. Some of the settings are unwieldy and also forced, such the Dwarves entrance into Rivendell. Other characters are just wrong. For instance, why isn’t Bilbo fat, or old and out of shape for that matter?

For that matter, why aren’t movie hobbits fat? The truth is this question had been nagging me for more than 10 years. Ever since I saw the LOTR trilogy (2001 – 2003) this question hounded me. In The LOTR movie there were four Hobbits, three skinny Hobbits and one fat Hobbit. So actually I had two questions. First, why weren’t all of the Hobbits fat, and why didn’t the fat Hobbit lose weight while walking a thousand miles on short rations? I decided to rationalize these questions for Mr. Jackson since he’d done such a brilliant job over all with the movies. I figured well the three skinny Hobbits were young and maybe Samwise had a thyroid condition.

But I digress, let me return to my review of “An Unexpected Journey”.
Sadly the whole film just seems to be a collection of stories that are cobbled together with a loose thread about a quest for gold (which I suppose is exactly what it was). The plot seems to meander (much like this review) as if it just wants to get to the end so you can go see the next movie. The final scene (no spoilers) seemed incomplete, as if the writer just ran out of stuff to say.

Overall while Jackson did recapture the body of middle earth, this movie just didn’t have enough soul. If you haven’t read “The Hobbit” yet, don’t worry it wouldn’t have helped. If you did read “The Hobbit”, well you’ll just be confused (I was). I know that I will go see the next movie. Not with any great anticipation, but only because I’m a middle earth addict.

Ode to Sandy Hook Elementary School

I watched it on the news today,

had bills to pay

watched it anyway

26 were murdered

all by just one coward

Well he must be crazy

At least that’s what they tell me.

Its murder, you heard her.

20 babies dying,

mommies were a crying

Politicians frownin, saying “what a tragedy”

What a pity so sad to see

You know this shit ain't changin’

NRA is sayin’

sorry ‘bout the slayin

but we sure ain’t a payin.

But, its murder, you heard her!

Just another crazy got himself a gun

Thought it would be fun

to shoot them one by one.

Oh what a tragedy,

sorry ‘bout your family.

Really just another day

in gun happy USA.

Only thing to do you see,

to prevent another tragedy

Arm the whole nation increase gun population

Smith & Wesson give their blessin’

Remington and Colt support the gun revolt.

But, its murder, you heard her!

Hey I know the answer

Said the gun financer

Put guns in the school

as another educator tool.

Politicians are now sayin

its cause the kids ain’t praying.

NRA is grinning now they know they’re winnin.

But, its murder, you heard her!

Hush now, we must mourn now,

no time for conversation,

We’re gonna arm the nation

its the bad society,

people's loose morality

Its plain to see, you have my sympathy.

But, its murder, you heard her? Didn’t you?

Hush little baby now go have fun

Teacher gonna get a shiny gun

If that shiny gun don’t fire

You’re all dead anyway.

Look gun violence is real and it’s a huge problem. If you really want to protect your kids get off the couch, contact you legislature and tell them to stop the violence now! More guns equals more violence, but it’s your word against the gun lobby. Who wins is up to you. If you do nothing, we all lose.
Peace out
Alan

Here’s wishing a happy Sunday morning to one and all. I want to share a quick and easy fish recipe that I made last night. On Friday I stopped at Publix to pick up milk and eggs. While I was there I noticed that the salmon was on sale for $5.99. We don’t eat a lot of fish in the Moudy household, mostly because it’s so danged expensive. But $5.99 for farm raised salmon is not a terrible price. So I bought a big honkin’ piece (about 2 lbs.) of it. Saturday turned into a bit of a run around day and I didn’t get started on dinner until late. I opened the refrigerator and saw the salmon sitting there. That’s when I realized that we didn’t go back to Publix to pick up anything else and soooo… There sat the salmon. I wasn’t really in the mood to break out a bunch of dishes and cook a crap load of food. Still, there sat the salmon. I also didn’t want to deal with a bunch of dirty dishes and yet, there sat the salmon.
Thinking moderately quickly I channeled my inner boy scout and went for the tinfoil. To me nothing simplifies clean up like a foil lined pan. I broke out a big roasting pan and lined it with heavy duty foil. Now about that salmon… A quick scan of the pantry confirmed my fears. I was a little light on the ingredients department. But I had olive oil and what about shallots? Yes I had those too. Hmm, garlic cloves sat next to the shallots. Alas, no lemon, but my friend Robert brought over a huge bag of Satsumas last week and I still had some of those. I rummaged in the fridge and found some green beans that weren’t horrible. Okay, now I’m on a roll. So here goes:

1 big honkin’ piece of salmon
3 or 4 Shallots
2 or 3 gloves of Fresh garlic
Sea or kosher Salt
2 Satsumas
Green beans (about a pound)
1 Onion (only use about half)
Old Bays seasoning
Olive Oil
A big foil lined roasting pan

The rest is easy peasy
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees while you clean and prep the green beans.
Blanch (steam or boil for a short time, like 5 minutes) the green beans while you are rubbing the salmon on both sides with the olive oil.
Place the salmon in the pan skin side down.
Surround the salmon with the blanched green beans
Then sprinkle a little salt on the side without skin (and the beans too), and shake a generous amount of Old Bays seasoning also on the side without skin.
Thinly slice the shallots, onion and Satsuma’s and place the slices of all three on the salmon and green beans.
Smash and crop the garlic and also sprinkle it around.
Now tightly cover the pan with a layer of foil and bake for 25ish minutes and voila (that’s French for done and delicious). It’s dinner time baby.
Simple good food and real simple clean up. Give it a shot and let me know how you like it.
That’s good chow for now!