We love our routines. People and dogs do anyway. I’m a people and I have dogs and we love our routines. I get up every morning (so far), make coffee and do my morning exercises. My dogs get up, lumber about and do their best to interrupt my morning exercises. Annie, Beau and Oreo are my three furry friends. Beau and Oreo especially move right in or on top of me while I try to exercise. Annie mostly sits and waits for me to notice her. Which I do, then I stop exercising to give Annie snuggles and pats. Annie is the mountain to which all things come to.
After my failed morning exercises are complete-ish, I feed the dogs. Beau and Oreo are very excited about food, Dog food, people food, all food. Annie mostly sits and waits for her food. Beau and Oreo are hoovers. Annie is a dust buster. Although Annie picks at her food during the day she loves to eat at night. Annie and I have that in common.
If it’s a week day I go to work. Coming home is a wonderful thing. There’s a long window next to the front door. I usually get home at the same time every day and there’s always a dog face to greet me. Mostly it’s Oreo, although sometimes it’s Annie. Oreo is always so excited, “you’re home, you’re home, hooray you’re home!” Annie sits at the window, German Shepard ears perked up waiting for me to greet her. When I open the door Oreo and Beau rush in. Nearly 200 pounds of dog love bowling me over to say welcome home! Annie on the other hand stands, slowly wagging her tail until I give her pats and attention then she gives me kisses. This is the routine that I love.
Let me back up a second. I didn’t pick Annie, I didn’t pick Oreo either. I picked Beau. Beau and my son Jake picked Oreo. I picked Abigail, Abigail is my fiancé. Annie picked Abigail, Abigail picked me and eventually Annie picked me too. Does that make sense? If you’ve ever owned a dog then it makes perfect sense to you.
So yes, we love our routines. Starting tomorrow however, I have to learn a new routine. Today is Annie’s last day. I couldn’t write this on paper, because the paper would be too soggy from my tears. Annie is 16 and a half which in human years is like 314 or something like that. I’ve only know Annie for the last year and a half, but I love her as much as Beau and Oreo. My fiancé tells me I missed Annie’s best years. I should also mention that Annie is just a nick name. Her real name is Anarchy. So yes, I guess I missed some real doozies.
Annie was 15 when we first met and still high energy. Annie is ten years older than Oreo, but she always led the way on our walks. In retrospect I would have taken more walks with our dogs. Walks are one of the dogs’ favorite things. That is how we determined that Annie’s time was growing short. Last Friday we leashed up the dogs for a walk and Annie didn’t want to go. We kind of knew something was wrong as Annie had been declining for sometime now. We didn’t notice at first, I guess we didn’t want to. But not going for a walk was the slap in the face moment.
Annie’s recent odd behavior suddenly made perfect sense. Annie had been eating less and less. I was jumping through hoops trying to entice Annie to eat. First broth on the food, then some cooked rice or noodles. It kept getting harder and harder to get her to eat. I even remarked to Abigail that I was at my wits end trying to get Annie to eat something. Then Annie stopped eating entirely. That was also the day that Annie didn’t want to go for a walk with her pack.
We took Annie to the vet the next day. Annie weighed 28 pounds. When I first met Annie she weighed about 36 pounds. All her ribs are showing now as are her hip and shoulder bones. Annie sleeps a lot now. She gets up once in awhile to get a drink or stumble outside to pee. She can’t get back in through the dog door, so we wait for her and let her in when she’s done.
Making the decision to let Annie go is so hard. Tears spring up even now as I type these words. Annie is still alert and I imagine frustrated as hell that her body has let her down. At least I would feel that way and probably will one day. I feel worse for Abigail though. Abigail is the only owner that Annie has ever known. Abigail has never lost a dog before, hamsters yes, but this is different. I’ve lost three dogs before and it doesn’t get any easier.
Today Beau isn’t eating either. He’s sleeping in the bedroom with Annie and Abigail. Oreo is at my feet while I type. This is a very sad house today. Annie and Abigail are spending the day outside. For once Annie is not wearing a leash. I suspect that if Annie makes a break for it I’ll be able to catch her. But only this time. Jake will be by after school today to say goodbye. I won’t post this until afterwards though. Cooking and writing is my therapy. For once I don’t feel like cooking.
Dying is easy. It’s only difficult for those left behind.
Rest in peace Annie. May 13, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
Saturday, December 22, 2012
One Middle Earth loving man’s review of “An Unexpected Journey”, or why aren’t movie Hobbits fat?
When I was fifteen I read a book that changed my literary life and perspective. It was “The Hobbit” by J.R.R. Tolkien. The Hobbit was a funny little book, roughly 300 pages of adventure, wry humor and unforgettable characters. There were characters such as fat hobbits, clumsy dwarfish folk, a barely competent wizard, assorted elves, changelings, rustic folk and stock villain types. When I finished the book I was totally taken in by Tolkien’s world.
I read every book every printed about Middle Earth. I played Dungeons and Dragons (as a Dungeon Master no less) well into my 20’s. I watched every bad production of animated interpretations of both The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I re-read all four books nearly every year since age 15. Tolkien created such a rich full world in Middle Earth with a complex history and sweeping scope that only a very special person with that same vision would be able to do this literary masterpiece justice on the big screen.
Enter Peter Jackson and his crew of movie wizards. Jackson’s treatment of the Lord of the Rings books was masterful. All three movies delivered everything I could possibly want to experience from those books. Jackson’s interpretation even improved upon the story telling in ways I never thought about. The only thing I wanted after seeing those three movies was more. Yes more Gandalf, Aragorn, elves, men and more Middle Earth. Sadly there was no more. The story was over, the enemy defeated and elves faded from Middle Earth.
Except that there was one more book. One more book and dozens of stories that is. A rumor began to spread in Movie land. A rumor about a man with unfinished business and the rights to one more book. Over time details came out, a script was written and a new movie began to take shape. The movie was to be based on Tolkien’s pioneer work “The Hobbit”. As time went by and rumor became reality I got excited. Yes, one more trip to Hobbiton, one more visit to Middle Earth, one more visit with characters I thought of as friends. When would the movie come out, when, when, when?
That day came for me on December 16, 2012. I was ready to see The Hobbit movie, I was itching, I was eager, I was overjoyed! I went the movie theater with great expectations and joy. Alas, the movie I watched was not “The Hobbit”. I sat in the theater eyes fixed to the screen, sitting on the edge of my seat for nearly three hours. When I exited the cinema into the bright afternoon light I could only think of one thing, meh.
After watching “The Unexpected Journey”, I felt that I’d seen it all before. . This current work was very similar to LOTR, sweeping aerial shots, wide angle shots of ponies galloping, and the contrived conflict between an antagonist (Azog) and protagonist (Thorin Oakenshield) that didn’t exist in the novel.
Also, I cannot refer to this movie as “The Hobbit”. This piece really bears too little resemblance to the book that I had grown to love. The Hobbit was so different in tone and character and story line from the later epic work The LOTR trilogy that Tolkien went back and updated some parts of the Hobbit in order to maintain some continuity. Jackson on the other used The Hobbit as a jumping off point to continue telling tales of Middle Earth. I totally get it. I too loved being immersed in Middle Earth lore. So for Jackson. he gets to revisit the site of his greatest triumph, have fun doing it and make another billion or so dollars.
As a movie based on Tolkien’s book “The Hobbit”, it barely passes. I give it a “C” minus at best. As a movie about middle earth lore I give it a “B”. Jackson does a passable job intertwining characters from different Tolkien writing into the Hobbit story. Some characterizations are rather forced and out of place such as Radagast. Some of the settings are unwieldy and also forced, such the Dwarves entrance into Rivendell. Other characters are just wrong. For instance, why isn’t Bilbo fat, or old and out of shape for that matter?
For that matter, why aren’t movie hobbits fat? The truth is this question had been nagging me for more than 10 years. Ever since I saw the LOTR trilogy (2001 – 2003) this question hounded me. In The LOTR movie there were four Hobbits, three skinny Hobbits and one fat Hobbit. So actually I had two questions. First, why weren’t all of the Hobbits fat, and why didn’t the fat Hobbit lose weight while walking a thousand miles on short rations? I decided to rationalize these questions for Mr. Jackson since he’d done such a brilliant job over all with the movies. I figured well the three skinny Hobbits were young and maybe Samwise had a thyroid condition.
But I digress, let me return to my review of “An Unexpected Journey”.
Sadly the whole film just seems to be a collection of stories that are cobbled together with a loose thread about a quest for gold (which I suppose is exactly what it was). The plot seems to meander (much like this review) as if it just wants to get to the end so you can go see the next movie. The final scene (no spoilers) seemed incomplete, as if the writer just ran out of stuff to say.
Overall while Jackson did recapture the body of middle earth, this movie just didn’t have enough soul. If you haven’t read “The Hobbit” yet, don’t worry it wouldn’t have helped. If you did read “The Hobbit”, well you’ll just be confused (I was). I know that I will go see the next movie. Not with any great anticipation, but only because I’m a middle earth addict.
I read every book every printed about Middle Earth. I played Dungeons and Dragons (as a Dungeon Master no less) well into my 20’s. I watched every bad production of animated interpretations of both The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I re-read all four books nearly every year since age 15. Tolkien created such a rich full world in Middle Earth with a complex history and sweeping scope that only a very special person with that same vision would be able to do this literary masterpiece justice on the big screen.
Enter Peter Jackson and his crew of movie wizards. Jackson’s treatment of the Lord of the Rings books was masterful. All three movies delivered everything I could possibly want to experience from those books. Jackson’s interpretation even improved upon the story telling in ways I never thought about. The only thing I wanted after seeing those three movies was more. Yes more Gandalf, Aragorn, elves, men and more Middle Earth. Sadly there was no more. The story was over, the enemy defeated and elves faded from Middle Earth.
Except that there was one more book. One more book and dozens of stories that is. A rumor began to spread in Movie land. A rumor about a man with unfinished business and the rights to one more book. Over time details came out, a script was written and a new movie began to take shape. The movie was to be based on Tolkien’s pioneer work “The Hobbit”. As time went by and rumor became reality I got excited. Yes, one more trip to Hobbiton, one more visit to Middle Earth, one more visit with characters I thought of as friends. When would the movie come out, when, when, when?
That day came for me on December 16, 2012. I was ready to see The Hobbit movie, I was itching, I was eager, I was overjoyed! I went the movie theater with great expectations and joy. Alas, the movie I watched was not “The Hobbit”. I sat in the theater eyes fixed to the screen, sitting on the edge of my seat for nearly three hours. When I exited the cinema into the bright afternoon light I could only think of one thing, meh.
After watching “The Unexpected Journey”, I felt that I’d seen it all before. . This current work was very similar to LOTR, sweeping aerial shots, wide angle shots of ponies galloping, and the contrived conflict between an antagonist (Azog) and protagonist (Thorin Oakenshield) that didn’t exist in the novel.
Also, I cannot refer to this movie as “The Hobbit”. This piece really bears too little resemblance to the book that I had grown to love. The Hobbit was so different in tone and character and story line from the later epic work The LOTR trilogy that Tolkien went back and updated some parts of the Hobbit in order to maintain some continuity. Jackson on the other used The Hobbit as a jumping off point to continue telling tales of Middle Earth. I totally get it. I too loved being immersed in Middle Earth lore. So for Jackson. he gets to revisit the site of his greatest triumph, have fun doing it and make another billion or so dollars.
As a movie based on Tolkien’s book “The Hobbit”, it barely passes. I give it a “C” minus at best. As a movie about middle earth lore I give it a “B”. Jackson does a passable job intertwining characters from different Tolkien writing into the Hobbit story. Some characterizations are rather forced and out of place such as Radagast. Some of the settings are unwieldy and also forced, such the Dwarves entrance into Rivendell. Other characters are just wrong. For instance, why isn’t Bilbo fat, or old and out of shape for that matter?
For that matter, why aren’t movie hobbits fat? The truth is this question had been nagging me for more than 10 years. Ever since I saw the LOTR trilogy (2001 – 2003) this question hounded me. In The LOTR movie there were four Hobbits, three skinny Hobbits and one fat Hobbit. So actually I had two questions. First, why weren’t all of the Hobbits fat, and why didn’t the fat Hobbit lose weight while walking a thousand miles on short rations? I decided to rationalize these questions for Mr. Jackson since he’d done such a brilliant job over all with the movies. I figured well the three skinny Hobbits were young and maybe Samwise had a thyroid condition.
But I digress, let me return to my review of “An Unexpected Journey”.
Sadly the whole film just seems to be a collection of stories that are cobbled together with a loose thread about a quest for gold (which I suppose is exactly what it was). The plot seems to meander (much like this review) as if it just wants to get to the end so you can go see the next movie. The final scene (no spoilers) seemed incomplete, as if the writer just ran out of stuff to say.
Overall while Jackson did recapture the body of middle earth, this movie just didn’t have enough soul. If you haven’t read “The Hobbit” yet, don’t worry it wouldn’t have helped. If you did read “The Hobbit”, well you’ll just be confused (I was). I know that I will go see the next movie. Not with any great anticipation, but only because I’m a middle earth addict.
Ode to Sandy Hook Elementary School
I watched it on the news today,
had bills to pay
watched it anyway
26 were murdered
all by just one coward
Well he must be crazy
At least that’s what they tell me.
Its murder, you heard her.
20 babies dying,
mommies were a crying
Politicians frownin, saying “what a tragedy”
What a pity so sad to see
You know this shit ain't changin’
NRA is sayin’
sorry ‘bout the slayin
but we sure ain’t a payin.
But, its murder, you heard her!
Just another crazy got himself a gun
Thought it would be fun
to shoot them one by one.
Oh what a tragedy,
sorry ‘bout your family.
Really just another day
in gun happy USA.
Only thing to do you see,
to prevent another tragedy
Arm the whole nation increase gun population
Smith & Wesson give their blessin’
Remington and Colt support the gun revolt.
But, its murder, you heard her!
Hey I know the answer
Said the gun financer
Put guns in the school
as another educator tool.
Politicians are now sayin
its cause the kids ain’t praying.
NRA is grinning now they know they’re winnin.
But, its murder, you heard her!
Hush now, we must mourn now,
no time for conversation,
We’re gonna arm the nation
its the bad society,
people's loose morality
Its plain to see, you have my sympathy.
But, its murder, you heard her? Didn’t you?
Hush little baby now go have fun
Teacher gonna get a shiny gun
If that shiny gun don’t fire
You’re all dead anyway.
Look gun violence is real and it’s a huge problem. If you really want to protect your kids get off the couch, contact you legislature and tell them to stop the violence now! More guns equals more violence, but it’s your word against the gun lobby. Who wins is up to you. If you do nothing, we all lose.
Peace out
Alan
had bills to pay
watched it anyway
26 were murdered
all by just one coward
Well he must be crazy
At least that’s what they tell me.
Its murder, you heard her.
20 babies dying,
mommies were a crying
Politicians frownin, saying “what a tragedy”
What a pity so sad to see
You know this shit ain't changin’
NRA is sayin’
sorry ‘bout the slayin
but we sure ain’t a payin.
But, its murder, you heard her!
Just another crazy got himself a gun
Thought it would be fun
to shoot them one by one.
Oh what a tragedy,
sorry ‘bout your family.
Really just another day
in gun happy USA.
Only thing to do you see,
to prevent another tragedy
Arm the whole nation increase gun population
Smith & Wesson give their blessin’
Remington and Colt support the gun revolt.
But, its murder, you heard her!
Hey I know the answer
Said the gun financer
Put guns in the school
as another educator tool.
Politicians are now sayin
its cause the kids ain’t praying.
NRA is grinning now they know they’re winnin.
But, its murder, you heard her!
Hush now, we must mourn now,
no time for conversation,
We’re gonna arm the nation
its the bad society,
people's loose morality
Its plain to see, you have my sympathy.
But, its murder, you heard her? Didn’t you?
Hush little baby now go have fun
Teacher gonna get a shiny gun
If that shiny gun don’t fire
You’re all dead anyway.
Look gun violence is real and it’s a huge problem. If you really want to protect your kids get off the couch, contact you legislature and tell them to stop the violence now! More guns equals more violence, but it’s your word against the gun lobby. Who wins is up to you. If you do nothing, we all lose.
Peace out
Alan
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Here’s wishing a happy Sunday morning to one and all. I want to share a quick and easy fish recipe that I made last night. On Friday I stopped at Publix to pick up milk and eggs. While I was there I noticed that the salmon was on sale for $5.99. We don’t eat a lot of fish in the Moudy household, mostly because it’s so danged expensive. But $5.99 for farm raised salmon is not a terrible price. So I bought a big honkin’ piece (about 2 lbs.) of it. Saturday turned into a bit of a run around day and I didn’t get started on dinner until late. I opened the refrigerator and saw the salmon sitting there. That’s when I realized that we didn’t go back to Publix to pick up anything else and soooo… There sat the salmon. I wasn’t really in the mood to break out a bunch of dishes and cook a crap load of food. Still, there sat the salmon. I also didn’t want to deal with a bunch of dirty dishes and yet, there sat the salmon.
Thinking moderately quickly I channeled my inner boy scout and went for the tinfoil. To me nothing simplifies clean up like a foil lined pan. I broke out a big roasting pan and lined it with heavy duty foil. Now about that salmon… A quick scan of the pantry confirmed my fears. I was a little light on the ingredients department. But I had olive oil and what about shallots? Yes I had those too. Hmm, garlic cloves sat next to the shallots. Alas, no lemon, but my friend Robert brought over a huge bag of Satsumas last week and I still had some of those. I rummaged in the fridge and found some green beans that weren’t horrible. Okay, now I’m on a roll. So here goes:
1 big honkin’ piece of salmon
3 or 4 Shallots
2 or 3 gloves of Fresh garlic
Sea or kosher Salt
2 Satsumas
Green beans (about a pound)
1 Onion (only use about half)
Old Bays seasoning
Olive Oil
A big foil lined roasting pan
The rest is easy peasy
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees while you clean and prep the green beans.
Blanch (steam or boil for a short time, like 5 minutes) the green beans while you are rubbing the salmon on both sides with the olive oil.
Place the salmon in the pan skin side down.
Surround the salmon with the blanched green beans
Then sprinkle a little salt on the side without skin (and the beans too), and shake a generous amount of Old Bays seasoning also on the side without skin.
Thinly slice the shallots, onion and Satsuma’s and place the slices of all three on the salmon and green beans.
Smash and crop the garlic and also sprinkle it around.
Now tightly cover the pan with a layer of foil and bake for 25ish minutes and voila (that’s French for done and delicious). It’s dinner time baby.
Simple good food and real simple clean up. Give it a shot and let me know how you like it.
That’s good chow for now!
Thinking moderately quickly I channeled my inner boy scout and went for the tinfoil. To me nothing simplifies clean up like a foil lined pan. I broke out a big roasting pan and lined it with heavy duty foil. Now about that salmon… A quick scan of the pantry confirmed my fears. I was a little light on the ingredients department. But I had olive oil and what about shallots? Yes I had those too. Hmm, garlic cloves sat next to the shallots. Alas, no lemon, but my friend Robert brought over a huge bag of Satsumas last week and I still had some of those. I rummaged in the fridge and found some green beans that weren’t horrible. Okay, now I’m on a roll. So here goes:
1 big honkin’ piece of salmon
3 or 4 Shallots
2 or 3 gloves of Fresh garlic
Sea or kosher Salt
2 Satsumas
Green beans (about a pound)
1 Onion (only use about half)
Old Bays seasoning
Olive Oil
A big foil lined roasting pan
The rest is easy peasy
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees while you clean and prep the green beans.
Blanch (steam or boil for a short time, like 5 minutes) the green beans while you are rubbing the salmon on both sides with the olive oil.
Place the salmon in the pan skin side down.
Surround the salmon with the blanched green beans
Then sprinkle a little salt on the side without skin (and the beans too), and shake a generous amount of Old Bays seasoning also on the side without skin.
Thinly slice the shallots, onion and Satsuma’s and place the slices of all three on the salmon and green beans.
Smash and crop the garlic and also sprinkle it around.
Now tightly cover the pan with a layer of foil and bake for 25ish minutes and voila (that’s French for done and delicious). It’s dinner time baby.
Simple good food and real simple clean up. Give it a shot and let me know how you like it.
That’s good chow for now!
Monday, October 29, 2012
Hoarding - What is it good for?
Hoarding - what is it good for? Hell if I know.
Hoard (n): a supply or accumulation that is hidden or carefully guarded for preservation, future use, etc.
Hoard (v): to accumulate money, food, or the like, in a hidden or carefully guarded place for preservation, future use, etc.
Compulsive hoarding (or pathological collecting) is a pattern of behavior that is characterized by the excessive acquisition of and the inability or unwillingness to discard large quantities of objects or material.
My brother has an unbelievable amount of junk, mostly old newspapers and magazines in his apartment. One can barely move around in there. When asked why he won’t throw any of them away, my brother waxes almost poetically on the value of each article. Each magazine issue holds a special meaning or significance, at least to him. There are millions of people in this country who suffer some form of compulsive hoarding syndrome. These people collect most anything including newspapers, clocks, animals and money.
These same people are often profiled on television in an unflattering way. I know that AETV has a show as does TLC (formerly The Learning Channel, rebranded as The Loser Channel). Each show profiles a troubled person and goes to great lengths to describe how “Hoarding” has taken over and in some cases ruined these people’s lives. Family members often attempt interventions on behalf of their stricken relatives. Many of the “hoarders” live in pitiful conditions. The objects of their affection, attention and obsession are overflowing from every room and taking up every available space. Truly these people need our help, therapy and compassion.
But I believe that the hoarding mentality manifests itself in other ways too. I’d like to discuss a different type of hoarding. The people afflicted in this manner are instead glorified, admired and to a certain extent almost worshipped in the United States. In fact these people are literally in a class by themselves. They are the one percent. Yes there are approximately 1.1 million households in the United States that have over $5 million in investible assets. But I’m not referring to them. I’m talking about the half of one percent of the one percent. Did you know that there are 400 people in the United States who are each worth a billion or more dollars? That’s right billion with a “B”. The top 400 have a combined asset value of 1.6 trillion dollars, give or take a billion. Of these unfortunate afflicted, 56 have $100 million or more in free cash floating around. The rest of their worth is hoarded in stocks, bonds, real estate and presumably comic books and baseball cards.
The mega-million hoarder has worked just as hard, if not harder than their pitied poorer hoarder “cousins”. Instead of amassing books, magazines, or cats they have amassed huge amounts of cash and luxury assets. With unimaginable wealth at their disposal no item is too ridiculous to own. Got your own diamond encrusted cigarette lighter? Check. How about a Pagani Briefcase, oh yeah got that too. I know, do you have a Chanel croquet set? Absolutely, we have two of those just in case Prince Harry and 5 of his best friends stop by. Feel like running for Governor of California or Mayor of New York on your own dime? Check and mate.
Arguably the money hoarder will spend a bit on luxury items. But seriously how many yachts, cars and vacation homes does one really need? Apparently some need at least eight, one for each continent you see. To be fair, one or two of them (literally one Bill Gates, or two Warren Buffet) set aside a pittance for charitable purposes. But otherwise the money just sits around in piles collecting dust and blocking access to the guest wing. Well it would if they kept their money at home, but who wants all that dirty money lying around?
Now I’m not suggesting for a minute that these mega-mega-millionaires should give away their money to just anybody. No, I recommend that they give their money to me. I’m willing to help them and perform an intervention for all of them. I’d like to help them unburden themselves from the pressure of buying that 20th mansion. Why should these poor souls have to labor alone, when help is just a phone call away? Seriously, Donald, call me. I’ll remove that dead cat from your head and set up an employment re-education center in your name. You don’t need an apprentice, you need some tough love buddy.
The free cash that these folks have lying around adds up to more than 5.6 billion dollars. Imagine the education endowment that could be funded with that dough-ray-me. For instance, a four year college education (tuition and books only) costs about $30,000. Training programs for trades can be completed for less than five grand. Most every politician agrees that the road to prosperity is paved with education. Personally I believe it’s paved with the inheritance from your multi-millionaire dad. Just ask the Hilton girls if you have any doubts.
But if education isn’t your thing how about funding some affordable housing or affordable daycare or affordable anything? Nah, that money is fine where it sits thank you. Besides, these people have families to feed. With solid gold utensils and plates too. I know you think I’m jealous of those who made it all on their own. That’s not true. I have loads of admiration for Bill Gates and Larry Ellison. Take that Donald Trump fellow for instance. How many other people do you know who can inherit millions of dollars and still declare bankruptcy four times? Now that takes real talent. It’s the Hilton and Walton kids that piss me off. Thirty years ago Wal-Mart which was created by Sam Walton made its name by touting the “Made in America” labels. Then Sam died and his kids rebranded the chain with a silent “Made in China” and “Made anywhere but America”. Sure Wal-Mart is bigger and richer, but at what cost?
Look, I believe that your money is yours to do with as you please. It doesn’t matter to me how you got rich, as long as it was legal that is. I’m just supposing a different place, a place that doesn’t exist now. But man wouldn’t it be something if those who had the means would just find a way to help those who don’t? The Hoarders could change others’ lives that otherwise would be nasty, brutish, and short to one with real meaning. I’m just supposing, wouldn’t that be something?
Hoard (n): a supply or accumulation that is hidden or carefully guarded for preservation, future use, etc.
Hoard (v): to accumulate money, food, or the like, in a hidden or carefully guarded place for preservation, future use, etc.
Compulsive hoarding (or pathological collecting) is a pattern of behavior that is characterized by the excessive acquisition of and the inability or unwillingness to discard large quantities of objects or material.
My brother has an unbelievable amount of junk, mostly old newspapers and magazines in his apartment. One can barely move around in there. When asked why he won’t throw any of them away, my brother waxes almost poetically on the value of each article. Each magazine issue holds a special meaning or significance, at least to him. There are millions of people in this country who suffer some form of compulsive hoarding syndrome. These people collect most anything including newspapers, clocks, animals and money.
These same people are often profiled on television in an unflattering way. I know that AETV has a show as does TLC (formerly The Learning Channel, rebranded as The Loser Channel). Each show profiles a troubled person and goes to great lengths to describe how “Hoarding” has taken over and in some cases ruined these people’s lives. Family members often attempt interventions on behalf of their stricken relatives. Many of the “hoarders” live in pitiful conditions. The objects of their affection, attention and obsession are overflowing from every room and taking up every available space. Truly these people need our help, therapy and compassion.
But I believe that the hoarding mentality manifests itself in other ways too. I’d like to discuss a different type of hoarding. The people afflicted in this manner are instead glorified, admired and to a certain extent almost worshipped in the United States. In fact these people are literally in a class by themselves. They are the one percent. Yes there are approximately 1.1 million households in the United States that have over $5 million in investible assets. But I’m not referring to them. I’m talking about the half of one percent of the one percent. Did you know that there are 400 people in the United States who are each worth a billion or more dollars? That’s right billion with a “B”. The top 400 have a combined asset value of 1.6 trillion dollars, give or take a billion. Of these unfortunate afflicted, 56 have $100 million or more in free cash floating around. The rest of their worth is hoarded in stocks, bonds, real estate and presumably comic books and baseball cards.
The mega-million hoarder has worked just as hard, if not harder than their pitied poorer hoarder “cousins”. Instead of amassing books, magazines, or cats they have amassed huge amounts of cash and luxury assets. With unimaginable wealth at their disposal no item is too ridiculous to own. Got your own diamond encrusted cigarette lighter? Check. How about a Pagani Briefcase, oh yeah got that too. I know, do you have a Chanel croquet set? Absolutely, we have two of those just in case Prince Harry and 5 of his best friends stop by. Feel like running for Governor of California or Mayor of New York on your own dime? Check and mate.
Arguably the money hoarder will spend a bit on luxury items. But seriously how many yachts, cars and vacation homes does one really need? Apparently some need at least eight, one for each continent you see. To be fair, one or two of them (literally one Bill Gates, or two Warren Buffet) set aside a pittance for charitable purposes. But otherwise the money just sits around in piles collecting dust and blocking access to the guest wing. Well it would if they kept their money at home, but who wants all that dirty money lying around?
Now I’m not suggesting for a minute that these mega-mega-millionaires should give away their money to just anybody. No, I recommend that they give their money to me. I’m willing to help them and perform an intervention for all of them. I’d like to help them unburden themselves from the pressure of buying that 20th mansion. Why should these poor souls have to labor alone, when help is just a phone call away? Seriously, Donald, call me. I’ll remove that dead cat from your head and set up an employment re-education center in your name. You don’t need an apprentice, you need some tough love buddy.
The free cash that these folks have lying around adds up to more than 5.6 billion dollars. Imagine the education endowment that could be funded with that dough-ray-me. For instance, a four year college education (tuition and books only) costs about $30,000. Training programs for trades can be completed for less than five grand. Most every politician agrees that the road to prosperity is paved with education. Personally I believe it’s paved with the inheritance from your multi-millionaire dad. Just ask the Hilton girls if you have any doubts.
But if education isn’t your thing how about funding some affordable housing or affordable daycare or affordable anything? Nah, that money is fine where it sits thank you. Besides, these people have families to feed. With solid gold utensils and plates too. I know you think I’m jealous of those who made it all on their own. That’s not true. I have loads of admiration for Bill Gates and Larry Ellison. Take that Donald Trump fellow for instance. How many other people do you know who can inherit millions of dollars and still declare bankruptcy four times? Now that takes real talent. It’s the Hilton and Walton kids that piss me off. Thirty years ago Wal-Mart which was created by Sam Walton made its name by touting the “Made in America” labels. Then Sam died and his kids rebranded the chain with a silent “Made in China” and “Made anywhere but America”. Sure Wal-Mart is bigger and richer, but at what cost?
Look, I believe that your money is yours to do with as you please. It doesn’t matter to me how you got rich, as long as it was legal that is. I’m just supposing a different place, a place that doesn’t exist now. But man wouldn’t it be something if those who had the means would just find a way to help those who don’t? The Hoarders could change others’ lives that otherwise would be nasty, brutish, and short to one with real meaning. I’m just supposing, wouldn’t that be something?
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
The Bible is wrong, an argument for God and Rational thinking
The Bible is wrong. I said it and I mean it. I came to this conclusion today while brushing my teeth. That in of itself is surprising. This is surprising because I usually do my best thinking in a different part of the bathroom. I’m one of the top three thinkers in my household so I know what I’m talking about. You may say “Ha, there are probably only three thinkers in your house anyway.” Well you’re wrong mister smarty pants, there are six of us. That fact that three are dogs changes nothing. I’d stack my dog Oreo against anyone in a contest for manipulation and crafty thought.
Until I was in my forties I didn’t give the bible or God for that matter much thought. I grew up a reluctant Jew in the sixties and seventies. I experienced religious prejudice as a young boy, but that didn’t affect my view of my religion. I traveled the route of belief, Bar-Mitzvah, relief at not having to attend Hebrew school anymore then drifting away from religion. I returned to Judaism in my twenties and even taught Hebrew school (yes really) and Sunday Bible school for a time. Eventually I began to question the whole system of religion. I had questions, but only vague answers repeating tired platitudes such as “It’s faith”, “We can’t divine his purpose”, etc. So I studied other religions on my own. I’m no scholar by any means but I read various Christian bibles, treatises on comparative religions, a little Buddhism and Hinduism. All this study simply reinforced my doubt and confusion. I adopted a new way of thinking. I became a rational deist.
I know science is right. Therefore the bible is wrong. But if as others have argued that the bible is the true word of God, then God must be wrong. Hold on now, what if I can show that the Bible wasn’t written by God? Well that changes a lot of things, especially for those who don’t believe in God. The reasons that I believe the Bible was written by men is based on logic and common sense. I’ll whip a little science in there too though, because it supports my point very well. There’s actually some religious thought involved as I deemed that important as well.
I’ll start with the religious part first. To begin, I need to state some assumptions or “givens”. For the sake of argument I will assume the following:
1. God did and/or does exist.
2. God is both omniscient and omnipotent.
3. God is infallible.
Now here are my science assumptions or “givens”
1. Human beings have 23 pairs of chromosomes.
2. The 23rd pair determines the gender.
3. In simplest terms the pairs are either XX for female or XY for male gender.
4. The X chromosome is a complete chromosome.
5. The Y chromosome is a flawed X chromosome.
The book of Genesis is one heck of a story beginning with the creation of the universe and everything in it. A tall order I grant you but covered under religious given #2 above. Let’s fast forward to day six when the Bible states that God created man in his image. Supposedly Adam was created first then Eve was created from Adam, blah, blah, blah, out of Eden.
Now the term “man” and “mankind” used to represent both male and female people. So the vagueness of that statement is neutral to the conversation. So I contend the creation order was written down incorrectly to satisfy some misogynist male author’s idea of creation. Not how the event (if it happened), really happened. Based on the following chain of reasoning, logic proves to me that God is female and created Eve first, not Adam. Consider the following truisms. Science assumption #4 and #5 are true and based on the little bit of biology that I’ve studied. One thing that is known for sure is that the male gender is much more susceptible to various inherited diseases and birth defects than females due to the flawed nature of the Y chromosome. For example, color blindness, hemophilia, autism, are easily recognizable gender linked recessive inherited diseases.
Using religious givens #2 and #3 plus science givens #4 and #5 plus the bible verse where “God created “whomever” and it was good” proves that Eve was created first. Otherwise the bible verse should have read “and it was good, but I can do better.” Here’s common sense reason #1. Given religious assumption #2, God would not have created the non-child bearing being first (see conception of Jesus for additional proof). As all knowing, God knew that is was easier for Eve to give birth than to recreate the wheel so to speak with the whole rib from Adam thing. Please see religious assumption #3 for additional verification. Common sense reason number 2. Do you remember the question, “which came first the chicken or the egg?” Well, if the Bible is correct as written then the origin question should ask “which came first the rooster or the egg?”
Here’s my final common sense point. When I was growing up there was a machine used to make copies of documents called a mimeograph. The mimeograph worked very well, except that the copies weren’t quite as good as the original. In fact as one made more copies the quality diminished. My point here is that the Adam child/creation is a mimeograph of Eve, but with an “outie” to compliment Eve’s “innie” (this is a PG blog after all) setting up future generations. This begs another question, “why create an Adam at all, why not just a bunch of Eve’s?” The answer is pretty obvious. God’s got better things to do than just creating more Eve’s. So boom, God creates a ready supply of baby making juice and off she goes watching Angel’s playing baseball or whatever.
I also want to bring up a new trend in the United States. The fasted growing religious segment is “none”. That’s right the belief in God or a supreme being is declining. One of the stumbling blocks for me to believe is that the Bible is the word of God. Well I know that the Bible is wrong. But if the Bible is God’s word and it’s wrong then what’s to believe in? Now I’m trying to help here so bear with me. By admitting the fallibility of the good book you actually remove an obstacle to belief in a higher power. I have other issues to resolve before I would believe, but now at least I may be one step closer. Which is better than one step further away.
The Bible is wrong. I said it and I mean it. I came to this conclusion today while brushing my teeth. That in of itself is surprising. This is surprising because I usually do my best thinking in a different part of the bathroom. I’m one of the top three thinkers in my household so I know what I’m talking about. You may say “Ha, there are probably only three thinkers in your house anyway.” Well you’re wrong mister smarty pants, there are six of us. That fact that three are dogs changes nothing. I’d stack my dog Oreo against anyone in a contest for manipulation and crafty thought.
Until I was in my forties I didn’t give the bible or God for that matter much thought. I grew up a reluctant Jew in the sixties and seventies. I experienced religious prejudice as a young boy, but that didn’t affect my view of my religion. I traveled the route of belief, Bar-Mitzvah, relief at not having to attend Hebrew school anymore then drifting away from religion. I returned to Judaism in my twenties and even taught Hebrew school (yes really) and Sunday Bible school for a time. Eventually I began to question the whole system of religion. I had questions, but only vague answers repeating tired platitudes such as “It’s faith”, “We can’t divine his purpose”, etc. So I studied other religions on my own. I’m no scholar by any means but I read various Christian bibles, treatises on comparative religions, a little Buddhism and Hinduism. All this study simply reinforced my doubt and confusion. I adopted a new way of thinking. I became a rational deist.
I know science is right. Therefore the bible is wrong. But if as others have argued that the bible is the true word of God, then God must be wrong. Hold on now, what if I can show that the Bible wasn’t written by God? Well that changes a lot of things, especially for those who don’t believe in God. The reasons that I believe the Bible was written by men is based on logic and common sense. I’ll whip a little science in there too though, because it supports my point very well. There’s actually some religious thought involved as I deemed that important as well.
I’ll start with the religious part first. To begin, I need to state some assumptions or “givens”. For the sake of argument I will assume the following:
1. God did and/or does exist.
2. God is both omniscient and omnipotent.
3. God is infallible.
Now here are my science assumptions or “givens”
1. Human beings have 23 pairs of chromosomes.
2. The 23rd pair determines the gender.
3. In simplest terms the pairs are either XX for female or XY for male gender.
4. The X chromosome is a complete chromosome.
5. The Y chromosome is a flawed X chromosome.
The book of Genesis is one heck of a story beginning with the creation of the universe and everything in it. A tall order I grant you but covered under religious given #2 above. Let’s fast forward to day six when the Bible states that God created man in his image. Supposedly Adam was created first then Eve was created from Adam, blah, blah, blah, out of Eden.
Now the term “man” and “mankind” used to represent both male and female people. So the vagueness of that statement is neutral to the conversation. So I contend the creation order was written down incorrectly to satisfy some misogynist male author’s idea of creation. Not how the event (if it happened), really happened. Based on the following chain of reasoning, logic proves to me that God is female and created Eve first, not Adam. Consider the following truisms. Science assumption #4 and #5 are true and based on the little bit of biology that I’ve studied. One thing that is known for sure is that the male gender is much more susceptible to various inherited diseases and birth defects than females due to the flawed nature of the Y chromosome. For example, color blindness, hemophilia, autism, are easily recognizable gender linked recessive inherited diseases.
Using religious givens #2 and #3 plus science givens #4 and #5 plus the bible verse where “God created “whomever” and it was good” proves that Eve was created first. Otherwise the bible verse should have read “and it was good, but I can do better.” Here’s common sense reason #1. Given religious assumption #2, God would not have created the non-child bearing being first (see conception of Jesus for additional proof). As all knowing, God knew that is was easier for Eve to give birth than to recreate the wheel so to speak with the whole rib from Adam thing. Please see religious assumption #3 for additional verification. Common sense reason number 2. Do you remember the question, “which came first the chicken or the egg?” Well, if the Bible is correct as written then the origin question should ask “which came first the rooster or the egg?”
Here’s my final common sense point. When I was growing up there was a machine used to make copies of documents called a mimeograph. The mimeograph worked very well, except that the copies weren’t quite as good as the original. In fact as one made more copies the quality diminished. My point here is that the Adam child/creation is a mimeograph of Eve, but with an “outie” to compliment Eve’s “innie” (this is a PG blog after all) setting up future generations. This begs another question, “why create an Adam at all, why not just a bunch of Eve’s?” The answer is pretty obvious. God’s got better things to do than just creating more Eve’s. So boom, God creates a ready supply of baby making juice and off she goes watching Angel’s playing baseball or whatever.
I also want to bring up a new trend in the United States. The fasted growing religious segment is “none”. That’s right the belief in God or a supreme being is declining. One of the stumbling blocks for me to believe is that the Bible is the word of God. Well I know that the Bible is wrong. But if the Bible is God’s word and it’s wrong then what’s to believe in? Now I’m trying to help here so bear with me. By admitting the fallibility of the good book you actually remove an obstacle to belief in a higher power. I have other issues to resolve before I would believe, but now at least I may be one step closer. Which is better than one step further away.
Monday, December 5, 2011
I'm how old?!
Fifty, say it with me, fifty. It’s just a word, just a number, but it marks a turning point in life. Imagine my surprise when I went to the mailbox the other day and saw an invitation to join AARP. That’s when you know that your life is forever changed. I’m in a whole new demographic, the 50-65 crowd. I never thought I’d miss the 35-49 group so much. The funny thing is I don’t feel like eating dinner at 4:30, but I feel it’s my responsibility to do so.
Colonoscopy yep can’t hardly wait to get me one of them. My doctor started reminding me about getting one when I turned 45 so I’ve had a long time to prepare myself. All in all I think I’ll pass thank you very much. I understand that this may be beneficial, but outside of the instant two pound weight loss I don’t see any real benefit to the process.
Ironic isn’t it that now that I can get free coffee at McDonalds my doctor says I have to cut back on coffee. Cutting back on coffee is just the start you know. As I enter the twilight of my life I should be cutting back on many things, sweets for one. You know this is the age that type II diabetes usually rears its ugly head. So weight loss or management becomes important. Then there’s the whole loss of bone density and muscle and skin tone thing. Oh yeah aging is not for the faint hearted, you have to be tougher now. Of course with the wrinkles, thin or in my case missing hair I look a lot tougher too.
My only consolation is that I know I’m not alone in this. My parents made it through their fifties, and some of my friends are up there or beyond with me as well. There’ve been many advances in medical science that I can take advantage of as well. So as body parts break down I’ll actually get better, faster and stronger. Blow out a knee? No problem, need a hip replaced? We got that covered. How’s your heart? Ticking right along thanks, how about just clean out the pipes then. This sure is a great time to get old and get parts.
All in all I guess this is just another day, another number to add to my collection. I have fifty of them, maybe I can add fifty more.
Colonoscopy yep can’t hardly wait to get me one of them. My doctor started reminding me about getting one when I turned 45 so I’ve had a long time to prepare myself. All in all I think I’ll pass thank you very much. I understand that this may be beneficial, but outside of the instant two pound weight loss I don’t see any real benefit to the process.
Ironic isn’t it that now that I can get free coffee at McDonalds my doctor says I have to cut back on coffee. Cutting back on coffee is just the start you know. As I enter the twilight of my life I should be cutting back on many things, sweets for one. You know this is the age that type II diabetes usually rears its ugly head. So weight loss or management becomes important. Then there’s the whole loss of bone density and muscle and skin tone thing. Oh yeah aging is not for the faint hearted, you have to be tougher now. Of course with the wrinkles, thin or in my case missing hair I look a lot tougher too.
My only consolation is that I know I’m not alone in this. My parents made it through their fifties, and some of my friends are up there or beyond with me as well. There’ve been many advances in medical science that I can take advantage of as well. So as body parts break down I’ll actually get better, faster and stronger. Blow out a knee? No problem, need a hip replaced? We got that covered. How’s your heart? Ticking right along thanks, how about just clean out the pipes then. This sure is a great time to get old and get parts.
All in all I guess this is just another day, another number to add to my collection. I have fifty of them, maybe I can add fifty more.
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